Why April Will Be The Greatest Month Ever:

4/3: Premiere of 4 Fast 4 Furious. New model. Original Parts.

4/8: Lily Allen concert
4/8 New season of Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Dual II
4/9 The Ting Tings concert
4/14- Britney Spears Concert
4/15 Dooce's book signing
4/15 Lupe Faisco concert
4/21 Franz Ferdinand concert
4/22 Earth Day and release of the movie Earth. I almost cried in the trailer.


I can't wait!

"Quit laughing at me or I'll kill you"

Well, 1 down...3 to go. In my neverending quest to finally leave Provo (seriously...I think I have left for good like 5 times now), I had my first interview for a PhD program at the Universiy of Texas at Austin. And I use the term "interview" loosely because my three interviews with faculty members consisted of chats about Mad Magazine, divorces, and beer.

But overall I really liked the city and the school. I especially liked my day with my buddy Danielle, the Tex-Mex food we shared, and Dualing Piano Bar. But mostly, I like the activities that Austinites participate in. Their time is spent either sitting and listening to music, sitting and watching movies, sitting and eating, or sitting and talking about "life" (music, food, movies, art). And if there is anything I excel at in this life it is: sitting, listening, watching, eating, and talking. So I feel that I could really fit in with Austinians.

However, I have a few complaints. First, I understand how much you love the University. It is a great campus. However, I think it is time ya'll stopped buying all your clothes at the athletic shop on campus. By the end of my three-day trip, I was really to kill the next person I saw wearing a orange shirt with longhorns.


Second, this might not be so much Austin's fault as just a problem with bars and restaurants in general, but can we please just call the bathrooms Men's or Women's? At this one bar, I saw only one bathroom door and it was labeled "Does." I really had to think for second if I was a doe because doe sounds like dude. Turns out, I was a buck. At another bar, I almost walked into "Gulls" because it sounded like guys...but turns out I am a Buoy.

My exciting tuh-rip ended with an outrageous flight home. I settled into my seat and opened up my magazine to read about how fat Jessica Simpson is (Two belts? Mom jeans? Really?). At this point almost everyone had boarded and all the overhead bin space was full. This gentleman (who obviously had the same stylist Nick Nolte used for his mugshot) then boarded the plane and tried to find room in the overhead bin for his garbage bag.


The Utahn sitting across from me jokingly said maybe he should try putting his stuff on the wing. To which Crazytrain responded by saying, "Quit laughing at me or I'll kill you." Needless to say, Homeboy was escorted off the plane while yelling "Where are you taking me?" "What are you going to do with me?" and "Is this because of the ethnicity of my skin?" (he was white).

All I can say is, if all my trips are this exciting, I am in for 3 more awesome weekends.

What I've Been Doin' and Where I'm Goin'

During my Christmas break (which in my mind should extend to the week after MLKJ day, which is why I have abandoned my blog until now), besides taking a pyramid photo shoot with my siblings...
...my parents pulled me aside to ask when I would finally start getting a real paycheck. This encounter was almost as great as last Christmas' parental intervention when my mom offered the diamonds from her old wedding ring to me...if I should propose anytime soon.

So in my pursuit to finally get a PhD and finally get a real job, I will be spending four upcoming weekends touring some of this country's best campuses. One week from now I will be in Austin, TX...2 weeks from now Dallas, TX...4 weeks from now Davis, CA...and 5 weeks from now Salt Lake City (I am counting this as a trip because I am getting a hotel room). Not only are all the trips free (I am even getting reimbursed for my gas to the airport and parking expenses), but I also have people to visit in each city. Dani in Austin, my brother and sister-in-law in Dallas, my family and friends in Davis, and...okay SLC doesn't count for this one.

And on another note, what do I wear to these things? A suit and tie? Slacks and a button up? An Affliction tee with Ed Hardy jeans? A snuggie?

Young at Heart

Last night, my oldest brother Ken was telling his 3-year-old son Shane a bedtime story. In this story Ken was telling Shane that his Daddy, Uncle Matt, and Uncle Steven were all once little boys too but then grew up and went to college. At this point, Shane knew something wasn't right about this story and felt the need to interrupt and correct my brother.

"No Daddy...Steven doesn't go to college. He is still a kid like me."

What can I say...the kid knows me.

That time I thought I died...

In honor of my BFF Stephanie...since this is her favorite story about moi...


Once upon a time, Steven spent his summer of 2006 pretending to study in London. I say pretend because I only spent an hour a week in a classroom. Or less. A few days before I was suppose to fly home, the plot to blow up the planes flying from Heathrow to the U.S. was uncovered. It is because of this plot that we still cannot travel with liquids. Stupid terrorists. We were warned that the terrorists might try a different plot in London that day, so we should avoid the Tube. Since all my London friends had homework and studying, I took off by myself and had a nice little lazy walk around London. So I was walking around the city...on a street that looked like this...


My nerves were a bit heightened because of all this excitement. I suddenly heard a funny noise and turned around to see this big truck driving real fast down a narrow street. Right as the trunk was driving by me, I heard a noise that sounded like a gunshot and right then something really hard nailed me right in the back. I thought for sure I was dying. I reached around my back trying to find the blood and hole that surely was just made at the base of my spine. I kept waiting for my life to flash before my eyes and for the blackness to engulf me.

So...turns out...the truck drove over a water bottle causing the bottle to explode and the cap to hit me square in the back. Well that is what the strangers behind me told me when they stopped laughing.

And yes, as I was dying, my only thought was...I wish I watched more TV.

Life, Libertyland, and the Pursuit and Happiness

This past weekend I was able to see the Statue of Liberty, Mt. Rushmore, and the Washington Monument all without leaving Utah County. Now where could one go to see all these great sites?

LIBERTYLAND!

So if you happened to be driving on I-15 Saturday afternoon, then yes...that was me riding a roller coaster through Mt Rushmore. If you haven't been, now is the time to go. For $12, you can ride the Rush-Coaster twice, take a spin around the go-cart track, and still have enough tickets left to experience Freedom Fall. And by going on these rides, you will see ever person that works at the park...all 3 of them. The gal who worked the lever on the Freedom Fall was the same gal who pulled the lever on the slurpee machine.

My sister, cousin, and I decided we needed a full redneck day so we also went to Cabela's or as I like to call it "IKEA for hicks." Have you been there? This place has:

Fish tanks

Fake animals


George W. Bush


A shooting gallery


And lots of orange!

Now I don't wanna hear anyone complain about how there is nothing to do in Utah ever again!!

T.P. Crew

On Thursday, I decided to take a little break from my lab and run up to Thanksgiving Point to visit the J. Crew Warehouse Sale. I thought I could find a little striped or argyle beauty to add to my sweater family. Unfortunately, this warehouse sale was a major disappointment, because:

1. All the clothes looked so sad. If these same clothes had been placed on clean hangers instead, I probably would have bought more. Nothing looks good thrown into a cardboard box.

2. I cannot search for clothing. I am the worst bargain shopper. The clothes need to be placed right in front of me. My hunter/gatherer skills are just shot.

3. I have never seen so many Utah moms in one place. I cannot even begin to count all the conversations I overheard that began,"Oh my gosh, I saw on your blog..." And of course, all these moms brought their little Joyellens, Starlenes, and Brextons with them and let them run all around the store. A little Johoshua even tripped me up as I reached for a marlin swimsuit.

However, my luck changed when I found the perfect pair of sweatpants...blue, soft, and comfortable. Since I practically live in sweats, I thought these would be the perfect purchase. And they were only like $3.75.

For the rest of the day at work, all I could think about was slipping into my plush sweatpants. So the second I walked into my home, I ran into my bedroom and threw them on. But my hand suddenly felt something in my pockets. Something that was much rougher than normal pocket lining...

A KLEENEX!! BUT NOT ANY KLEENEX.....A USED, WADDED-UP, GROSS TISSUE!!! WITH STAINS!

I swear...I almost threw up! My first instinct was to throw the sweatpants into a fire and take a long shower to wash the dirty off. As my friend Rachel Zoe would say "I came THIS close to losing it today." Although I guess it wasn't a total waste. The nice mom standing in line with me gave me a 10% off coupon for friends. I am not sure why she didn't give it to her to buddy Raynette, but whatever.